You don't see it, but it accompanies us every day of parenthood - stress!

What mom or dad doesn't constantly feel like they have to "function," spinning in the hamster wheel of everyday life, with no room to breathe? And then your phone shows you a "flashback" – "Your child a year ago" – and you wonder where the time went? Did I actually get to experience my child, or were we just functioning as parents? And in that moment, you feel sad because you feel like the truly beautiful moments in life are being "swallowed up" by stress.

Welcome to the lives of countless parents

If I learned anything with the birth of my daughter 2.5 years ago, it is that alongside the greatest and most wonderful miracle in this world, there are an infinite number of things that come my way that so often prevent me from truly experiencing this miracle.

The endless list of do-to's

It's the endless list of to-dos that never ends. Since the birth of my daughter, I've known what it means to be on call 24/7 – to have no weekends or vacation. If only this to-do list were the only thing that stressed us out. I think every mom and dad knows these stressful moments in everyday life – whether it's getting their child dressed, brushing their teeth, or a sibling fight just before bedtime. If only these to-do lists and these stressful moments in everyday life were the only thing that stressed us out... Because there are also those feelings that often cause so much stress inside us as parents: "Am I doing everything right? Am I a good mother/father?", "Am I doing equal justice to all of my children?"

What it's all about - Parenting and your own child

I would never have thought back then that everything that comes with having a child would often prevent me from having the opportunity to enjoy what it's all about - being a parent and having my own child.

The best thing that could have happened to me was that, due to my career as a bonding-oriented family counselor (breastfeeding, sleep, and complementary feeding consultant), I also decided to complete training as a stress coach, as I repeatedly noticed in my consultations and workshops that it was often stress that had a strong influence on the actual sleeping or breastfeeding situation in the family.

I originally trained as a stress coach purely for professional reasons, but today I know that for me as a mother, for us as a family, and for my daughter, it was the very best thing that could have ever happened to us!

In short: Because I can finally EXPERIENCE being a mom and, above all, my child. That sounds really strange at first, I know! But: When was the last time you, as a mom or dad, experienced a truly relaxed moment with your child in the here and now, with all its special qualities—the scent of your child, the gentle hand that touched you, the soft voice of your child?!

Deal with your stress

When was the last time you woke up feeling like you weren't burned out and worn out from the day? And when was the last time you felt like you could handle everyday life with complete peace of mind, even handling your child's tantrum with calm and serenity? You might be thinking, "How is that even possible?" That's a more than reasonable question, because even I wouldn't have thought all of this possible until a year ago. But all of this is possible if we deal with our stress! The big mistake we always make—because we read about it in magazines, on Instagram, or similar sites—is that we only focus on our "relaxation." We read tips for ME-TIME on Instagram, something about breathing techniques, or the like. But the mistake is often that we don't focus enough on our stress and our stressors! And that should, no, that must be the first step.

We need to address our true stressors. And these won't be to-do lists, brushing our teeth, or getting dressed. These are often thoughts, beliefs, and empty resources from us parents. And also the planning, or rather the "lack of planning," of our everyday lives.

We need a strong, well-rooted tree that will stand firm even on stormy days

When it comes to stress, "just breathing" doesn't help; we need a deeply rooted tree. With solid roots that stand firm even on stormy days. And that allows us—if we're perched on a high branch— to experience our children . To watch them grow up and intensely experience those moments that will always be in our hearts.

Distinguish between external and internal stress

When it comes to stress, we can distinguish between external and internal stressors. External stressors are all the things that affect us from the outside—stressful moments in everyday life, to-do lists, household chores, and much more. Internal stressors are our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes.

Resolve external and internal stressors

If we want a less stressful and more conscious life for ourselves, it is important that both external and internal stressors are resolved. External stressors can often be resolved much more easily than our internal stressors. And it takes time ! Time, patience, and looking at real stressors. I really recommend keeping a stress log for several days and writing down which situations trigger stress. The first step is to look at the situation itself - for example, brushing the children's teeth. The second step is to look at what the REAL stressor is! This may reveal that your own batteries as a mom or dad are simply empty, that your own boundaries have been exceeded, or that you have no understanding of your child's current needs at that moment.

As you can see, resolving stress isn't easy... But the first and most important step is knowing what the REAL stressors are! Because once we know them, we can consciously deal with them.

At this point, I'd like to share a very valuable tip for stressful everyday situations with your toddler. I'm referring to situations in which your child seemingly wants to "annoy" you. For example, when a glass falls and the floor is flooded with water, or all the pasta ends up on the plate because your child served themselves, or when your child doesn't want to brush their teeth or get dressed.

Your child never acts against you

My tip for you: Always know that your child is never acting against you or trying to annoy you. Children have a very strong need to explore the world, to play, and to try things out.

Understanding that I can work on myself, my expectations and my thoughts when it comes to the needs of my child has moved me a lot.

Children want to try things out, play, discover, and experience things. And yes, I understand very well that we as parents don't have all day to do that. But just knowing that my child doesn't want to annoy me in a stressful situation has had a huge impact on me.

When something broke or went wrong, I used to be briefly annoyed by the situation. Today, I'm happy that my child tries things out and tests them, because I know what my body needs to stay calm in stressful situations. In the past, if my child didn't want to brush her teeth or get dressed, I would be stressed because we had to leave. Today, I know what both my child and I need to experience the situation together in a relaxed manner.

Two book recommendations for you:

"Stress Yourself Properly" by Jacob Drachenberg
"The Secret of Balanced Mothers" by Dr. Karella Easwaran

It's a lot of work, but it's all worth it because I can finally experience being a mom in a relaxed way. And that's exactly what I wish for every mom and dad in the world!

On my Instagram account, you'll get a good insight into me and my work. I also offer a get-together for expectant mothers and provide you with individual support on topics such as breastfeeding, sleeping, and complementary feeding. I would like to accompany you with my in-depth knowledge and your trust, with all my heart.

All love,
Your Ramona