In the animal world, young animals learn how to give birth and breastfeed from their mothers – they simply watch.

We humans usually don't have this opportunity, because both often happen behind closed doors. Most of us experience our first birth or first breastfeeding without ever having seen it "in person" before— so how are we supposed to know how it works?!

Because the famous "maternal instinct" is a myth . You only know that breast milk has a different composition depending on the time of day and that the color of your newborn's poop reveals a lot about its health because someone told you!

Knowledge empowers... and simultaneously leads to more questions. We often google things frantically and get lost in the information jungle. A completely natural need for predictability lies behind the search for answers. Because the fact that a different person is suddenly growing inside you is simply crazy and sometimes frightening . So much is happening that you can't control. Your body is changing, and your hormones are surging.

But that's exactly what makes this time so special: It's a journey of letting go and trusting, even if that's sometimes incredibly difficult.

However, there are certain things we simply wish we had known beforehand!

We asked Instagram— what do you wish you had known before? —and were able to summarize the answers in eight categories:

1. Initial equipment: What do I really need?
   
2. Birth: What can I influence?
   
3. Postpartum: How to enjoy it!
4. Breastfeeding: The most important facts
5. Selfcare: Focus on you
6. Sleep (lack): How do I survive it?
7. External determination as an opportunity

We have the results from the survey and our own small empirical study evaluated 🧐 and now tell you what you really should know before you become a mom/dad.

PS: At the very bottom you will find book recommendations about pregnancy, birth and the baby’s first year.

Credit: 'Parents organizing baby's room' by Brenda Sangi Arruda

1. Initial equipment: What do I really need?

Less is more. Forget the stroller, the crib, and the expensive Paidi furniture.

Instead of putting energy into preparing your baby's first supplies, think about what YOU will need when you get home from the hospital. Your baby will most likely be living on you most of the time anyway and needs very little other than you.

First, only get what you will actually use straight away: for example, changing equipment, a carrier, a car seat and, of course, a changing backpack so that you always have everything to hand (tip: the Hugo changing backpack is also practical as a baby bag ).

1. Diapers & Wipes
2. Bodysuits & wrap clothes (with snap fasteners on the shoulders)
3. Muslin cloths (lots!)
4. Carrier or sling to keep your hands free
5. Changing backpack to carry everything
6. Baby seat for the car

As for the rest of the things, if it says baby on it, it's actually always more expensive, and 99% of the things you've seen on Instagram since you were pregnant (thanks algorithm!) are things you don't need.

Credits: 'Doctor use stethoscope to check baby heartbeat' by interstid

2. Birth: What can I influence?

Proper preparation for labor is good and important. However, the fact is that you can't know how your baby will be born until it happens. Whether vaginal or a planned cesarean section, every birth is unique and usually doesn't go the way you imagined it a hundred times. Sure, it's possible that your Louwen diet makes contractions more bearable and you don't need an epidural, or that perineal massage prevents you from tearing, but the emphasis always remains on "can . " Your body and your baby have their own plan.

But that's precisely why it's all the more important to focus on what you can truly influence: your mindset. Your inner peace. Your self-confidence. Meditation, breathing techniques, or simply being conscious of your thoughts can make a huge difference. Because when you learn to let go and embrace the birth, you'll enter this adventure much stronger. 💪✨

Credits: 'Scar after c-section surgery on female belly' by A's Images

3. Postpartum: How to enjoy it

During pregnancy, we often don't think beyond the birth. But it's so important to plan the first few weeks with your newborn as well as possible in advance, so you have enough rest and can recover physically and mentally after the birth.

Because the postpartum period is a wild mix of cuddles, hormonal chaos, and healing. Three to five days after birth, the famous baby blues often set in: Suddenly, the tears flow, without you knowing exactly why. This is completely normal, but if the low persists, don't hesitate to get help – no one should go through pregnancy depression alone. Somehow, hardly anyone talks about the afterpains (yes, they feel like mini-contractions 🙃) and the fact that we simply bleed for weeks.

So think about it for yourself or sit down with your partner and make agreements: When can the first visitor come and how often should there be visitors (e.g. no more than once a week)? Who will do the housework and shopping? Who will look after the siblings? How will you ensure you have a warm, nutritious meal at least once a day? Clarify such things early on – then you won't have to think about them during the postpartum period and can concentrate fully on yourself and your baby .

Credits: 'Mother breastfeeding her newborn baby at home, closeup' by Africa Images

4. Breastfeeding: The most important facts

Breastfeeding doesn't always work right away—and that's totally normal! Many people initially believe they're not producing enough milk, but it usually takes time and the right support. And yes, breastfeeding can be painful and incredibly exhausting! It burns up to 600 calories a day; you're practically running a half marathon every day . Give yourself breaks, good food, and plenty of water! 🏃‍♀️🥛💪

Tip: If you're having trouble breastfeeding, it's best not to ask your pediatrician—they're great for your baby's health, but they're often not specialized in breastfeeding. It's important that you consult the right experts: midwives, lactation consultants, or doulas are there to help you. If that still doesn't work, you can safely resort to formula milk. It contains all the important nutrients your baby needs and is a safe alternative to breastfeeding.

Important : Breastfeeding is a free choice. There are countless reasons why someone might decide against it—and that's okay, too. The important thing is that you find your own way, without pressure or guilt.

Credits: 'Smiling Coach, therapist or team manager supporting woman in group therapy or corporate meeting' by studioroman

5. Selfcare: Focus on you

Self-care means taking care of yourself, meeting your basic needs, and accepting help. What you may not have known: In this new phase of your life, self-care has to be relearned. Because sleep and eating take on a whole new meaning when another person is glued to you 24/7.

A lot is happening inside you too – you are getting to know yourself in this new role as a mother and it feels like an emotional rollercoaster.

A great way to focus on yourself, to notice yourself and to be noticed is through women's circles – places where you can exchange ideas and share experiences with other mothers.

It's even better to connect with other women during your pregnancy, for example, through prenatal yoga. Sharing ideas with someone who's going through the same thing at the same time is so valuable and will give you strength! At the same time, you can discuss other topics with your old friends that are relevant to everyone, thus relieving the pressure on your relationships. And it will be good for you, too, if everything doesn't always revolve around bad nights, colic, and engorged milk ducts.

Credits: 'Newborn baby boy sleeping' by Jacob Lund

6. Sleep (lack): How do I survive it?

In the beginning, there's no clear day-night rhythm; your baby sleeps whenever it wants—and really only when you're breastfeeding or cuddling it. The nights are a constant cycle of waking up and falling asleep again. And this sleep deprivation is incredibly hard!

Your battery is constantly at 10%, you're more forgetful, and maybe more irritable. That sucks, and unfortunately, completely normal. Even if it's only a small consolation: you're not alone! When you're woken up for the fifth time at 3 a.m., thousands of other moms and dads are awake at the same time, feeding their babies. Kind of a nice thought, isn't it?

During this phase, it's important to try to focus on the things you can change. Keep everything to a minimum and allow yourself to be selfish. And even if you're not usually a fan of it, now's the time to accept support or ask for help! Because even if we've been told otherwise since childhood, you don't suddenly have superpowers just because you're a mom. Everything can be left undone, be frugal with your resources; you don't have to be completely exhausted to be a good mom!

Make it a ritual to tell yourself every day: You're doing great! 💛

Credits: 'Newborn baby holding mother's hand' by Thanumporn Thongkongkaew from Getty Images

7. External determination as an opportunity

It's a huge challenge when your life suddenly becomes completely centered around another person's needs. Going to the bathroom alone or taking a daily shower suddenly takes on a whole new meaning. "So THAT'S what xy was always talking about."

Often, you fight an inner battle against it until you finally embrace the new situation and everything becomes easier . Because then it all clicks, and you realize how precious this time is. Then the world seems to stop, and everything revolves around that one moment—eye contact with your baby while breastfeeding, rocking them to sleep, and cuddling. And if you don't feel it sometimes, that's completely normal. You're allowed to be annoyed by your baby, too!

Being controlled by others forces you to pause and focus on what's important. And so, at some point, a space emerges in which miracles happen: a very special bond develops between you and your child.

It's a phase when life slows down. Damn exhausting and damn beautiful! And it passes, thankfully. 😜

Book recommendations for you:

• Myth of maternal instinct: How modern brain research frees us from old role models and allows us to rethink parenthood - Annika Rösler and Evelyn Höllrigl Tschaikner
• True self-care is a radical decision for yourself - Nina Mounton and Eva Mounton
• Belly Bare: A Plea for a Self-Determined Pregnancy - Marlene Hellene
• Hey Mama - Tami Donath
• Milk & Mother - Stephanie Johne
• Self-determined birth - Ina May Gaskin
• Becoming a mother - Jule Tilgner and Marcia Friese

Simply pick out the things from the article that resonated with you and feel free to share your personal story in the comments below. To raise awareness of such a stark reality!